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Deep breath required for the charts this week; frankly they’ve seen more action than Prince’s bedroom ceiling mirror and we’re going to give you the long and sticky of it.

Quite the week it’s been for Foals - in case you missed it, they announced details of a massive UK tour in the autumn, and now their hyped debut proves the mane event – a-neigh-zing, etc – going in at number three, just one place behind Panic At The Disco’s ludicrous Sgt Pepper’s-sniffing opus Pretty. Odd which also makes its debut this week.

Duffy’s still at number one, gawd love her, and there are top ten entries for Raconteurs and Guillemots, whose Consolers Of The Lonely and Red romance the number eight and nine spots respectively. Muse’s live effort Haarp drops eight places to ten, and Counting Crows wet their beaks at 12.

Supergrass cause a bit of a Diamond Hoo Ha at 19, We Are Scientists take a dive down 27 places to 38 with Brain Thrust Mastery and Does It Offend You Yeah plant a dubious flag at 48 with You’ve No Idea What You’re Getting In To. Mystery Jets’ appearance at number 50 with the excellent Twenty One seems like a minor disappointment (Making Dens debuted at #32), while Joy Division’s best-of release makes a frosty entrance at 63.

Wheeling impatiently around to the singles chart and electro star-in-waiting Sam Sparro makes a slick and very assured-sounding appearance at number four with ‘Black And Gold’, while Alphabeat’s rise continues apace like the lump in my throat, this week cracking the top ten with their execrable ‘Fascination’.

Usher wants to ‘do me right’ and ‘keep it coming all night’ at 19 with ‘Love In This Club’, - we’ll get back to you, yeah - and not even Young Jeezy’s best DMX-like barking can rescue this track from resembling the contents of Justin Timberlake’s wanky tissue.

James Blunt cracks the top twenty once more with his exciting mix of singing and guitars on ‘Carry You Home’. Snoop Dogg sounds so chillaxing as to be almost chillomatose at 24 with ‘Sensual Seduction’. Very nice it is too, although DiS remains somewhat unconvinced that Mr Snoop is any great respecter of the laydeez.

Portishead are up a whopping 129 places to 52 with ‘Machine Gun’, staking fine claim to their continued relevance with a jarring industrial composition that doesn’t so much refute the coffee table accusations as take a giant pneumatic drill to them. Bravo.

And there’s more great news for Britney Spears after her magnificent appearance in a sitcom no-one’s heard of single-handedly turned around her ailing career, overruled a court’s decision to limit visitation rights with her children and erased her unsightly double chin – not really, but ‘Break The Ice’ is up 43 places to 36.