So, you find yourself in the studio of a new talent show facing a panel of Fatima Whitbread, Prunella Scales and Seb Coe (props, bamos). Musical talent will be ignored, there are enough telly shows devoted to that. What latent talent do you have that would make the public vote for you?

Me, my fingers are hideously double-jointed. I'd bend them in all sorts of funny ways until everyone declared me the winner