I must complain that my review of the Tefal 6532817P Brushed Chrome Avanti 4 Slice (Hi-Speed) Toaster was taken down from the front page.

Apparently this is because the variable width guide mechanism was designed by my friend Bobby Grindrod. Though I made it clear that I thought the conditions under which I was operating the toaster (under the sea) were not conducive to getting the best performance out of it. And that the toaster was, in itself, not the best toaster in the world.

Anyway I'm writing to the Geneva Convention about you all. I'll have you killed.