I HATE greetings cards.

vacuous womble-penned poetry to express your obligated feelings to someone celebrating some meaningless milestone.

or painfully unfunny cartoons of someone having a shit. or those ones that say 'we thought you'd like to see someone's minge on your birthday' and then inside it's got an old granny or some such cunt-witted nothingnesses.

And the days they invent for us to buy more stuff on out of guilt. Come on!

So... suggest alternative greetings cards messages.

I'll start

Outside: "I'm sorry you're lonely this Valentine's Day!"
Inside: "Better luck next year!"

"I'm sorry you've been diagnosed with CANCER"

Outside: "You're getting DIVORCED"
Inside: "We all knew you were wrong for each other"

"You've got a new CAR!"
Inside:"hope you have a WHEELY good time"

"Thinking of you this Vernal Equinox"

"You dropped your toast on the floor"
Inside: "That must have been irritating for you"

I HATE them!