No Kompany. No Toure. No Aguero. No Nasri. No Zabaleta. No Hart. No points for Man City at a blustery Stoke. Getting beyond a joke now our form.

Wayne Rooney's injury should prove a stroke of luck for Man United, meaning they can play an actual striker upfront again against woefully out of form West Ham (2 wins in 9). Home banker.

Elsewhere, routine wins for Arsenal (Sunderland, H), Leicester (Swansea, A), Spurs (West Brom, A) and billioballers Bornemouth against crisis club Chelsea, plus a goalfest at SJP as Klopp's globetrotters slaughter hapless Newcastle.

Other stuff people will pretend to watch includes Gladbach v Bayern, Wolfsburg v Dortmund, Valencia v Barca, plus some FA Cup 2nd round action.

Shoot...