• My work shuts over weekends so I can't go and find it until Monday
• I was drunk so not really aware of what was going on
• Google Location History says it's at work
• It's still ringing so I don't think it's been stolen (how the battery is still alive I do not know)
• I can't remotely wipe it as a couple of weeks ago I handily began 2-step authentication and hadn't got around to sorting out back up codes
• It could be literally anywhere in the building

So then, do you think I'll ever see this phone again? PLACE BETS NOW.