United down to the bare bones at Vicarage Road, might even have to make do with £38m World Cup winner Juan Mata playing off £31m Memphis Depay. Chelsea's amusing run surely can't continue for another week as they host Delia's lads. Jamie Vardy goes for some sort of pointless scoring record at the Sports Direct Stadium. Arsenal breeze past West Brom. Man City have several key players out or not match fit and will probably lose against bogey team Liverpool, Jimmy Milner inevitably making the difference as Raheem toils.

Games to pretend to watch this weekend include Schalke v Bayern, Juve v Milan, Real v Bartha.

Shoot...