It's well-documented in these pages that only fans of West Ham, Southampton, Bournemouth and Harry Kane are enjoying football/life these days. As a Friday treat, let's spare the tears of the oilballers for a day and use this space instead to speculate on The Collected Works of Wayne Rooney, Poet:

http://www.theguardian.com/football/2014/nov/06/wayne-rooney-poetic-side-england-youth?CMP=EMCFTBEML853