More woe for City as the world's best defender inks a new 6-year contract. Word is he didn't even want a payrise and has agreed to give a percentage of his weekly wage to starving African kids.

Chelsea make some Brazilian kid no-one's ever really heard of the 29th most expensive footballer in the history of football, continue their desperate, scattergun transfer policy by agreeing £9m deal for unremarkable Nigerian winger from relegation-dodgers Wigan.

United! aim to follow suit after bowing to Lucas Mouras agent's demands for even more buckets of cash, cancel floatation after a lukewarm reaction over the pond.

Arsenal continue to beg RVP not to dump them for a sexier lady, Wenger publically taps up Malaga winger Santi Cazorla. Naughty.

Juve fail with £16m bid for Edin Dzeko. Double it, lads.

Norwich signing Michael Turner and Bobby Snodgrass.

Stoke sign a lad called Geoff Cameron. Definitely going in my fantasy league team him.

GB on later. Might watch it actually. They can't be worse than England.

Any other business?