With the clarity of azure, Beckham's hair arrangements about his head are a half-assed endeavour to mask the ageing process. His severely-lined face and thinning barnet are not hidden.

Before an inevitable flurry of scorn flies inexorably toward him, Beckham should preemptively shave off the beard and trim the head of little hair to a stubble. Reveal proudly the lines and slaphead of decay; embrace age!