Steak (A given, surely?) They tend to be 4 ounces, but that's not enough...I demand 6 ounces.

Sausage. Not just any old economy bollocks though, I demand both girth and texture.

Gammon. Nice and thickly cut, oh yes.

Chicken. Has to be properly seasoned mind. Also, why not make it a nice big wing of chicken rather than half a chicken breast or whatever?

Mushrooms. None of your button mushrooms though, massive great Portobello please.

Onion rings. Jumbo, crispy, not overly battered and definitely not dripping in oil.

Chips. There's a school of thought that fried potatoes (or even a jacket potato) is a suitable replacement. Now, I have a lot of time for potatoes in all their many and varied forms, but those people are WRONG. The mixed grill demands chips and thick-cut chips at that.

Some of you will have noticed that egg is conspicuous by its absence. That's because egg is fucking disgusting. Oh, I've left out tomato too because nobody ever eats it.