The worst result of all time as Cardiff beat Palace on penalties. Hopefully whoever gets to the final can obliterate them.

QPR and Chelsea issue a joint appeal for calm ahead of their cup tie on Saturday. Can't wait, I'm going to bottle DanielKelly. QPR also sign by the best left back in the world on loan

Tevez loses the better part of 10 million nicker. Good.

Portsmouth are issued with a winding up order over unpaid tax

Whilst BaLOLtelli says he could quit England, his brother ENOCH has gone on trial with Sunderland. ENOCH BALOTELLI

Liverpool plan to fill their ranks with the whole of South America after it has transpired that all the English players they bought are average