In bullet point form for your convenience:

* Balotelli is given a ban for possibly booting someone in the noggin.

* Crouch may be charged for poking someone in the eye.

* Redknapp dodges tax, twitches.

* Dave 'Nuggers' Nugent scores a peach as Leicester beat Soton 0-2.

* Everyone wants Crystal Palace to win tonight.

* Ferdinand encouraged to shake hands with Terry [/Sepp].

* Quinton Fortune drafted in to the United squad.

* Tevez will only go to Milan, but not THAT Milan.

* Sneijder won't go anywhere.

* New Preston manager texts dropped players.

AOB? PMSL.