Throughout university, my dad was compelled to call any accomodation I stayed in as 'digs'. It made my skin crawl every time he said it.

My mum seems unable to define that there is a grey middle between someone being your friend and your girlfriend

So she's just a friend

No, we're seeing each other

Oh so she's your girlfriend then

No!

So you're just friends then?

ARGH.

My dad insists on calling polos 'olops' and malteasers 'small geezers'. He also does this thing when making a point that he puts on a posh voice and goes 'well old chap'

My mum once claimed she wasn't an immigrant because she has a job