So last night I did a first rehearsal for a show a friend of mine is putting on. It's about him and his ex, starring them both playing themselves, and featuring all the songs they wrote about each other.

There's very little acting in it, just some tiny bits in between songs. At one point I'm a market stall holder going about his business and then suddenly doing backing vocals. Stuff like that.

I'm not very comfortable with the *show business* side of it, I'm not an actor. I once played the police seargant or something in Pirates of Penzance at school. I was pretty chuffed at the time but later found out that it was cos I was really small and all the policeman were really tall, not cos of my amazing acting skills.

What acting have you done? Ever been on telly? Is Dean Gaffney a secret diser?

ps this is not a JAG I don't want you to come.