Well, from what I've seen on the telly.

"We love you Scotland.. it's great being back in Edinburgh, I might sound like I'm from but I spent two weeks here to track the history of great-great Grandad Fergus so hur, hur! You are poor and eat meth-infused deep fried Mars Bars! And pasty and alcoholic! But it's ok because it's self depreciation!"

"I'm going to make a joke about being a paedophile. But it's OK because I'm white and middle class and not one of those nasty Muslim child groomers blokes I met in the pub talk about! And if they gave the Native Americans casinos, white middle class people should have ownership of irony!"

"Ha, ha, the riots were great, weren't they! Good to see kids on their jollies! Especially because I probably live in a gated community where people who don't look like they earn over 50 grand a year are shot on sight."

Oh well, at least it's not Jim Davidson.