Man Utd cruise to a 2-0 win over Schalke, who demonstrate perfectly just how far Inter fell once Jose jumped ship. Rooney was pretty good, as Schalke's keeper.

Real vs Barca tonight. Mourinho seems to have flustered Pep over the last few days. Bore draw seems on the cards, but we all live in hope.

Stoke batter Wolves but potentially lose their best player for the rest of the season in the process.

The Fabregas transfer saga looks set to kick off again, loads of journalists are convinced Levy will wrangle the deed to Stamford Bridge in exchange for Gareth Bale and Dave Cameron gets a little cross about all this super injunction business.

And finally, for those who didn't see it in yesterday's thread, David Luiz is the love of your life, you'd let him shag your wife and you want curly hair too.

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