After a pair of civilised afternoon pints, I developed a headache I couldn't ignore. I took delicious codeine but didn't want to drink too soon after that, obvs. 11pm arrived and I realised I wasn't going out.

Then at 11.15pm I said: NO. It's New Year's Eve, damn it. This is important. I'm going into town.

11.30pm: in da club.

12.10am: bumped into step-brother and his mate.

2am: endlessly harassing the DJ to play Pulp.

4.30am: playing Wii Sports in a fucking mansion. A MANSION.

Now: after 278,009 Jaeger bombs I'm STILL A BIT WIDE-EYED AND BUSHY-TAILED.