Christ

Right:

I'm meant to be flying on Boxing Day.

The UKBA currently has my passport (married to an alien-centric)

I've left enough time in my application to get it back but they HAVEN'T RETURNED IT.

They know it's at Croydon but I can't speak to anyone at croydon.

I'm going to punch something. Probably a cat.

What the cunt should I do?