Fast Times' Mr Hand would be sane by comparision. My high school English teacher Mr Berg would leave at the beginning of each period and go to the teacher's lounge for a little of the ole Coffee Plus. He'd return at the end of each period smashed and in a deadpan voice would say, "Charles, turn your desk back over and fix the ceiling."

Then there was Mr Hoyland. He was the horticulture teacher. He'd come to school driving a Maserati. Turns out he had other gardens, too. He later died in Federal prison we'd heard.

Plus, we had your garden variety Jesus freaks, hippies, homosexual, and bad breath teachers.

But at UC Irvine I had a prof named Victoria Trimble, who also did a public television show on astronomy. My number one weirdest teacher. She had dyed black hair, a pasty white face, and always wore the wicked witch of the east's black dresses. To accent her look she wore about a million dollars worth of rubies, which she explained she'd made in the physics lab for about $60. "The rubies at Tiffany's are flawed," she explained.

Who Are/Were Your Weirdest Teachers!