Even though I've had a great night in which I did my favourite thing to do at family shindigs (i.e. get drunk and offend people and act like I fucking own the place), I'm really not looking forward to waking up tomorrow and thinking: 'Jesus, what an embarrassing wanker I am'.

Still - that 18th birthday party I was moaning about? As of THIS MOMENT, it was fucking great. I wanted to put this down on record so I can look upon it through the haze of vague but pervasive shame that tomorrow will inevitably bring and know it wasn't all bad.

Thank you, and goodnight, you complete and utter wankers.