Twas a fresh spring morn, and I was on the tube in a world of my own, listening to the Delgados, at about about 815. I had two letters in my bag which had been unopened for quite a while, so I thought I would take the chance to try and get on top of my mail backlog.

When I opened the first letter, I noticed a woman sitting two places to my left lean forward and glare at me. I thought nothing of it. A couple of mins later I opened the second letter, the woman leaned forward to glare at me again. And kept staring.

after about 20 seconds I muttered (completely silently) under my breath, ‘what the fuck are you looking at’ whilst pretending to focus on reading the letter.

Then the woman lost it and stood up:

“YOU FUCKING CUNT! DON’T YOU FUCKING MUTTER ABOUT ME UNDER YOUR BREATH YOU FUCKING CUNT!!!! YOU CUNT!! I DON’T TAKE SHIT FROM CUNTS LIKE YOU??! FUCK YOU!! etc etc..

Bewildered and frankly rather afraid of this ranting big black woman (who was alot bigger than me), I didn’t say a word, just keeping my best poker face as I stared at the wall deciding how best to defend myself if she attacked. my fellow passengers all awoke from their trances to watch this spectacle. A couple of teenagers to my right were stifling giggles.

Thankfully, the train then pulled into Aldgate East, and the crazed woman got off- leaving with a charming message of “CUNT! FUCKING CUNT!”.

Needless to say, after she got off. I acted as if I was ROFLMAO, and flashed her a cheeky grin as the tube pulled away (I may come to regret this if I ever see her again). The man who was sat next to her thought it was the sound of me tearing open the envelope that had set her off.

This country...