Camera pans to Rose:

Rose:
Hi everyone, and welcome to another Lunchtime With Prole!
Today Prole has other pressing commitments to attend to / I’ve killed him off, so has kindly passed me the baton to host LPW. Of which, of course, I’m honoured.

[APPLAUSE]

Rose:
“Today’s subject is “Sexy TV” – you know the kind of programmes I’m talking about? I’m not referring to things like ‘Anabel Chong and The World’s Greatest Gang Bang’… (anyone seen that ? I found it fascinating)… but am talking about programmes where you’ll get a series of couples who talk about ways they keep their seemingly raunchy sex life maintain a certain momentum.

Cue TV footage:
[“Oooh yes, I like dressing up for Ralphy in latex… We’ve both been doing it for the last ten years and the fetish nights are just such a wonderful way of catching up with all of our friends.”
Cue shot of Ralphy and Sarah by the fire, with their pitbull dog, Ralph Jnr, clutching cups of tea, wearing their best polyester slacks/trousers and shirts with Hawaiian print motif, all the while casually picking up their latex outfits and holding them up for the camera, every now and then kissing and caressing each other.]

Rose:
“Sexy TV” is obviously written by sexless people, who “never got any” when at college or university. You KNOW the kind – back in my day (and Proles), it was largely the students who spent most of their time down in the internet facility, chatting 24/7 in chat rooms and never every going out to the university bars to talk to, let alone meet, the opposite sex. Now, these sexless tv executives are still tarnished by this legacy of yesteryear and resort to acting out their micky fantasies vicariously via every ‘hard hitting’ programme they could possibly fathom to make.

Therefore, by this logic, sexy telly isn’t really, well, that sexy..?

What are your thoughts, dear DiSers??”