Who cracks their knuckles? It's brilliant, isn't it? Sounds truly disgusting if somebody else does it but if it's you, that all too familiar 'clack' sound is a thing of beauty

Unfortunately for my prematurely brittle bones, I have developed somewhat of a routine in the morning time. As I stumble across the parke flooring to the shower my neck, back and knees must all be clicked. That's slightly horrible, isn't it?

I had resigned myself to a lifetime of creeky misery long ago, but upon reading an article in the Guardian a while back I discovered that it doesn't actually give you arthritis. Huzzah! Does loosen your grip, mind. But fuck that. Who needs grip?