Just heard the following acts confirmed for Glasto this year:

1. I will piss in the open air and get 'chilly willy'

2. Some complete cock will offer 'free hugs'. Kill this cunt.

3. Some purist will claim that 'Shitfreak & the Fucktards' a sub-Libertines shitstorm fronted by Conor McNicholas dog, Alec, shouldn't be on the John Peel stage as it would make him 'turn in his grave'.

4. Phill Jupitus will 'perform' onstage with some godawful D rated Eighties ska 'heroes'. This is the worst 'act' of all. Kill this cunt.